Staying Current on LGBTQ+ Terminology as a Therapist

I have something to confess. As a member of the LGBTQ+ community, I’m not always sure I’m using the most up-to-date terminology when queer topics come up. I notice a bit of shame surfacing as I write this. As a queer therapist who trains other queer therapists shouldn’t I be up on the latest language?

Yes and no. 

I love the work of the queer theorist Jose Esteban Muñoz. His quote from his seminal text Cruising Utopia sums up queerness in a beautiful and evocative way:

Cruising Utopia

“Queerness is not yet here. Queerness is an ideality. Put another way, we are not yet queer. We may never touch queerness, but we can feel it as the warm illumination of a horizon imbued with potentiality…
Queerness is essentially about the rejection of a here and now and an insistence on potentiality or concrete possibility for another world.
I contend that if queerness is to have any value whatsoever, it must be viewed as being visible only in the horizon.”
(Muñoz, Cruising Utopia, the then and there of Queer Futurity, pg 1)

One of the lessons I take away from this quote is that the very essence of queerness is in the future. We are constantly going to be evolving because we haven’t gotten to a stopping point yet. The evolution and the striving for something better continues. This helps me feel better when I learn a new term or phrase that the “kids” are using these days. Cue Brat summer. 

Resources for Queer Terminology

All that being said, there are great free resources out there that offer definitions on the latest LGBTQ+ terminology. HRC, The Trevor Project, GLAAD, and a number of other organizations typically have resource lists on their websites available for free. You can make a mental note to occasionally browse those lists to stay up to date.

What do I do when...?

Most often as therapists or coaches we encounter this issue when a client brings up a word or term that we’re unfamiliar with. If you identify as a queer therapist, like myself, you may notice that shameful part surface it’s nasty head when a client mentions a terms you’re not familiar with. When this happens to me, I usually take a breath, give that shameful part some compassion, and remind myself that just because I’m queer doesn’t mean that I am expected to know everything about every aspect of our entire community.

Usually once I’ve taken that breath (and if it feels appropriate and important for me to know the term in that moment with the client) I will ask them what they meant by the term. In that simple action I’m acknowledging my humanity and also modeling being honest and transparent with them. In the long run this will probably build trust and a sense of connection.

Clearly every client and situation is different so trust your clinician judgement and/or get consultation if you’re unsure.

I Don't Identify as LGBTQ+

If you’re not an LGBTQ+ clinician, you may be having a different internal conversation with yourself, but you can follow similar steps as described above. It is certainly not our clients’ job to educate us. Sometimes it makes sense to search for the term after the session, but sometimes it’s crucial in that moment and it makes sense to ask for clarity. 

There's a lot of nuance here, and the fact that you're reading this post means you care about your clients. Don't forget that when the shameful voice surfaces next time.