Being an LGBTQ+ Affirmative Therapist (Part 2) Finding Support to do Your Best Work

Last time, I talked about what to do when you find yourself getting triggered in session. This is a natural part of being a therapist. And it happens for LGBTQ+ Affirmative therapists, too.

But what about when you can anticipate that something challenging is likely going to come up? 

Maybe you’re concerned about getting triggered by the material. Or perhaps you’re aware that you can have knowledge gaps, and you’re worried that you might say the wrong thing and end up hurting your client. How do you prepare to bring your best self to the session?

Support search

Even though the therapy room can feel isolating sometimes, we’re not in this alone. This is a great time to tap into your support network. What kinds of support do you have access to? Consider: 

• Bringing the case to a consultation group 
• Exploring professional training to expand your knowledge base and get your questions answered by someone with specialized expertise 
• Reaching out to colleagues to get some support and advice 
• Tapping into a professional group or network 

Talking about this can be tough. Often, therapists are held back by a fear of seeming like an imposter for having triggers or knowledge gaps. If you’ve felt that way, you are not alone. We all go through this. It’s part of the job. Talking about it isn’t a sign of being a bad therapist – it’s a sign of caring deeply about your work and your clients. 

Pitfalls and opportunities when identity enters the room 

Identity and cultural differences are going to be a factor in therapy room dynamics. And they should be. But what do you do when you're feeling stuck or overwhelmed with the differences? Whether we have overlapping identities with our clients or not impacts what kind of support will be most relevant to our work. Still, there’s a nuanced conversation to be had here, because identity is as individual as we are. 

If you’re a queer therapist, you might benefit from the support of a group of queer clinicians. I speak from experience when I say that it can be incredibly healing to find yourself in a community where you don’t have to explain certain aspects of your identity. At the same time, since queer identity is expansive, you’ll probably learn a lot and expand your perspective. 

That doesn’t mean that having a similar identity to your client is totally free from pitfalls! When you have a shared cultural standpoint, it can be easy to make assumptions about just how much your experience and perspective overlaps. For example, I’m a queer therapist, and I’m also in a non-monogamous relationship. It can be more common for queer people to have some comfort and familiarity with non-monogamy, but it’s far from universal; so, even if I have some shared points of identity with my client, I can’t assume anything about how comfortable they are with non-monogamy. 

This is a great moment for a learning journey. Give a critical evaluation to where you’re getting your info – a lot more of what we “know” can come from fiction, or from passive absorption of media, than we realize. Look for resources to check your knowledge base:

• Read books! 
• Nurture relationships with queer friends and colleagues 
• Seek professional training to really expand your knowledge base 

Non-queer therapists may have a lot of fear that they are going to hurt their client irrevocably. This can lead to avoidance out of a desire to not say the wrong thing. But staying silent may be more likely to cause harm. 

It’s okay to admit to your client when you don’t know something. It’s okay to ask questions in order to understand more deeply – and it’s also worth thinking through why you want to ask any given question: 

• Is this because I’m curious for the client’s sake, or for my own sake? 

• Can I get this information somewhere else? 
• Is what I’m curious about essential to me understanding my clients more? 

Oftentimes, I think it’s possible to feel in your body when you’re in a place of aligned, compassionate inquiry, versus when you’re actually a little activated. Can you find that inner place, where you feel warm, centered, and open? No matter who you’re working with, or who your identity does or doesn’t overlaps with your client, that’ a beautiful place to work from.